It’s amazing how things come together. I have never believed
in coincidence. I believe that all things have been woven together for a
purpose—God’s purpose. I believe that nothing happens without a reason, and I
find that is proven to me daily.
Starting back in November, I made the decision to return to
school. After some reflection on the things in my life that have made me feel
full of purpose, and the things in my life that I recognize as problems that I
have an interest in fixing, I decided I was ready to complete my Bachelor’s
degree then lead on to be a certified facilitator (Simple Definition: someone
that teaches groups how to create and run effective meetings). This lead me to
start searching for schools to attend and considering different options. This
also meant taking into account the advice of people I highly respect.
Based on my research and pondering, I made the decision
to apply to University of Massachusetts Amherst and Boise State University. At
this point, I have been accepted to Boise State and until today, I was
impatiently waiting for a response from UMass.Don’t get me wrong, I am still waiting and still hoping for
good news. The difference is a sense of ease. A sense of ease, I believe only
comes from God.
A few days ago, I had a conversation with my mother about
being willing to let God’s will be done, no matter where that meant I was
supposed to be. I told her frankly that I wasn’t ready to do that. I wasn’t
ready to consider the option of not going back to school, of not moving, of not
going on my own little adventure. Not that this is what she is saying would
happen, but it was something that I would need to be willing to do for God to
use me for his plans and purposes. And until I am willing, I will just have to
wait. (Doesn’t stuff like that just make you want to gnash your teeth and shake
your fist?)
Well today, I was praying…when I am deeply praying I will
write them down as I say them—kinda like a letter to God. Well this is what I
wrote:
“Lord, I want to trust you. I wasn’t to believe. I want to
have faith. You are unfailing and I know this in my head. I know you have
always provided. But my heart aches, it is anxious. How do I believe in my
heart? How do I let go and let God? Please lead me. Please guide me. Please
show me..."
And then I stopped and not with a complete thought. I
stopped and began to weep, because what I wanted to write was “Your will” and
wanted to ask God to “Please show me Your will.” But I couldn’t do it. I still
couldn’t let go of my will. Of my wishes. Of my plans. So I did the best thing
I could. I went to his word.
My church records the Sunday sermons and gives them away on CD, so I
grabbed the first one in the study and threw it into my computer…it wouldn’t
play. So I moved on the the next disc, and the next, and the next. I went
through 5 discs and not a one would play. So of course, I tried number 6. And
wouldn’t you know it, the darn thing played.And as the pastor opened the sermon, they said “Have you
ever had to wait for something?” (I am sure you are going heck yes…I am waiting
for the point of this post) Well as she said those words, I laughed. I thought “God you are
so funny. Of course, you would work it out that the message I needed right here
in this moment was the one that would play.”
So I listened; I was reminded that God always fulfills his
promises. He never fails us. He never waivers, even when we do. And I know
without a doubt that my whole life is an example of that. Then the pastor finished with Joshua’s
challenge to the Israelites. He says to them in Joshua 24:14-15: “Now fear the
Lord and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers
worshipped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the Lord. But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to
you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods
your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose
land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
I begin to chuckle again, because another so-called
coincidence was brewing. As the pastor said, “Choose who you will serve,” I was
reminded that at the beginning of the year, I decided to do the one word
challenge…basically you select one word to live by for a year. My #oneword365
for 2013 was…..any guesses…..CHOOSE.
Well following the laughter came tears, and prayer, and
surrender. I may not know where God will lead or when he will move me. But I
know that when I accepted Christ as my Savior, it wasn’t conditional. It was a
whole-hearted, full-fledged promise to live for Him, and not myself. So on
this day, even in the midst of doubt, fear, stress, and worry, I choose to
serve the Lord—the God of heaven above and earth below. For I know, his plans
and purposes greatly exceed my own.
God bless,
Rebekah
